For the first time in two years, I didn't write a post about a show I went to.
I went to the Mayday Parade Fearless Friends show last Sunday at Paradise. The parts I saw of it were fun, but I went mainly to do interviews. There were communication issues and the night was a little bit of a mess, but I ended up not only seeing all of Go Radio's set but also sitting down and talking with Jason Lancaster. I've been thinking a lot lately about the musical portion of my life, about my disappointment in the scene, and about what I'm really looking for in music these days. Go Radio's set was the only one that really meant anything to me that night, and though the full interview will be posted elsewhere later, Jason talked about honesty in music. He said a few things that made me realize he was the first person I'd talked to in a while who truly believed in music and wanted something more from being a musician than a touring lifestyle and a crowd of fans.
That's what I'm looking for right now and I'm just not getting it out of this scene. I thought about the shows that I truly enjoyed lately and they weren't the ones with the pretty boys playing pop riffs on stage while teenage girls texted and took pictures from the front rows. They were the ones with the older guys pouring their hearts out, the crowds of punks and solid people who care that they're getting a show full of meaning. The Gaslight Anthem sticks out in my head, the two shows this summer that felt like the men on stage were there because they loved music, not because they loved being rockstars.
I don't know where that leaves me. I've got tickets for a few more shows this fall, some that I'm really excited about, but I've crossed a few off my list too. I'm not going to see 3Oh!3 tomorrow night because I'm not sure what I'll get out of it right now. I've lost that need to buy every CD by every band I know, to go see every show that comes to the East Coast. I'm just not feeling it.
I've wondered why. I've thought maybe I'm busy, maybe I'm growing up, maybe I'm demanding more from my music, a higher quality. I don't know what the answer is.
The tag line of this blog used to be something like "Music, Videos, and Scene Kids." I was asked a few weeks ago in my MATM interview whether or not I'd continue this blog through grad school, and I'd replied with a resounding yes, fully believing it. But only a little while later I'm not even sure this blog will make it far past its second birthday.
Unless I find a new scene that convinces me that musicians who still believe in music are out there, I might be closing in on the end of a fantastic musical run. I'm over the scene and I just can't get in to the indie hipster crowd. I'm not a punk and I can't do metal. I don't have the patience anymore to wade through five bad local rock shows to find one good band.
Prove me wrong, world. Please, before a part of my life shrivels and dies.